21st April 11pm: we were in bed. Stephane started to snore. I couldn't fall asleep. I remembered that in a birth preparation book it said that during labour, I should visualise baby going down the channel in my mind. So I decided to practice this. All of a sudden, I felt warm liquid between my legs. I waked up stephane and told him calmly. "It's time. We need to go to the clinic".
22nd April midnight: No traffic on the road. Arrived at the clinic after 35 minutes drive. A midwife was already prepared to welcome us. After checking that baby's heartbeat and contraction was all ok, she put me in a room. No regular contraction yet. Stephane slept on a couch on the corridor, saving energy for the big moment.
22nd April 3am: Regular contraction started, quite painful. I went to wake up Stephane. The mid-wife came and asked me to walk around in order to accelerate the process. Walking during contractions was not the easiest thing. I hanged on to Stephane when I was in pain.
22nd April 5am: The midwife put me in Salle d'accouchment 1 with monitors to check baby's heartbeat and contractions. Cervix started to thin out. Contractions got stronger and more painful.
22nd April 6am: An anesthesiologist arrived and he put an epidural on my back. I had to sit still like a budda when he put the needle into my spine. After around 15 minutes, the pain from contraction disappeared completely on my left side. However, my right upper leg still had strange painful feeling.
22nd April morning: The pain on the right side didn't disappear even with additional dose of medicine through epidural. I remembered that Tingting had similar situation and it was very likely that the anesthesiologist didn't insert the needle correctly. The guy was not very nice. When I told him that I was still in pain, he answered as if I was inventing a story. The midwife could see that I was really in pain. So a decision was taken to redo the epidural. So again, I had to sit very still to allow him to re-insert the needle correctly. Afterwards, I didn't know what kind of strong medicine he added. I couldn't feel any pain. I was thinking "well, that is not bad if the rest of the labor process can be pain-free." Cervix was dilated 1 or 2 cm. The midwife could touch the head of baby with her fingers.
22nd April early afternoon: Stephane brought a chair inside and fell asleep in it. Midwife came from time to time to check the progress. After so many hours only 4 cm dilated. Dr. Mao came and chatted with me. Her family came from China to Switzerland in 1949. She went back during culture revolution and was very scared. Dr. Mao confirmed that the dilatation didn't progress as much as it should be. She proposed to increase the hormone injection to accelerate contractions.
22nd April late afternoon: Baby couldn't stand the additional hormones. His heart beat showed distress when the hormone was injected. So we had to stop. No improvement in the dilatation and Dr Mao said that instead of coming down, baby seemed to go up. His umbilical cord might be stopping him from descending. Dr. Mao suggested cesearian delivery. Since water broke many hours ago, there were increased risks of baby getting infected. Waiting didn't seem to bring any improvement. We agreed. I thought that if it were best for my baby, I could endure any kind of operation.
I was transfered from birth room to operation room. I vaguely remember that the room had big lights, relatively cold. My hands were spread out and clips were attached to my fingers to detect heart rate. A big green curtain was put on top of my chest, so I couldn't see what was done to my stomach. The anesthesiologist put additional pain relief medicine. He also put a oxygen mask on me. I felt so sulfucated the moment the mask was on. That was a very strange feeling as if I had no air to breath. I immediately asked the mask to be taken off. I guess that it was more psychological. Stephane sat next to me. The operation started. I felt a little bit of pain as Dr Mao opened my stomach, something like a small needle on your skin. I didn't realise what the very little pain I felt at the beginning could end up like. Dr. Mao spoke to me in Chinese to let me know the progress. After a bit over 10 minutes, Dr. Mao said "Ok, ok, he is out". Then I heard a baby cry. Lucas was born at 17.22. All of a sudden, lots of emotions hit me. "Oh, this is my baby". I couldn't hold my tears. Then a little creature covered with white layer appeared from the green curtain. I cried even harder. That was such a magic moment. I could hear Stephane crying next to me. Some minutes later, a little thing covered in green cloth was brought next to my head. I could touch him with my fingers. My tears continued to flow. I said to myself "this is my son, the little one who has been in my tummy for the past 8 or so months". Because the temperature in operation room was too low for a new born to stay long, baby was taken away and Stephane followed him for first checkups.
Things were not yet finished. I felt increased pain as the rest of the operation went on. It hurted so much that I had to scream. Despite of the pain, I forced myself to stay still. Some noticed that I was in great pain and asked the anesthesiologist to increase the dosage. However, the medicine wouldn't take effect right away. So I had to endure great pain for longer. I really hated the anesthesiologist. Because I was so much in pain, my arms were still in the air when Dr. Mao was not pulling. The anesthesiologist was accusing me, saying something like "why do you still put your arms like this? The doctor is not doing anything at the moment." He completley didn't understand or want to understand that someone was in pain and the after effect of such pains. Finally the very strong pain relief medicine took effect when the operation was almost over. The effect was so strong that I couldn't express myself or find it difficult to understand others. I was knocked out.
I vaguely remember that I was transfered to another room. My heart rate was monitored. A nurse presented herself as the one to look after me. I could hardly open my eyes or reply to her. My mouth was very dry. But I was not allowed to drink any water. The nurse gave me a moistured coton stick. I put it in my mouth and wanted to swallow my own salive. That was even difficult. I had the feeling that I would choke if I tried to swallow. I didn't know how long I waited. The nurse showed up and said "look who is there?". I still couldn't really open my eyes, but I heard Stephane. He came with our little son Lucas. Lucas was putting on my chest. My head was still very heavy. It was difficult to make a conversation with Stephane. I told him that I didn't want to have another child. This experience was too painful. The nurse checked up on me quite often. She pressed hard on my navel area every time. It hurt badly. She asked me to move my legs, but I realised that it was not possible.
Then after I don't know how long, I finally woke up from the medicin, I was transported from the big room to room 41 where I spent the next 7 days. Stephane was waiting there with little Lucas.
That was the birth. Now, 14 days later, I have recovered well and Lucas is a great and lovely boy. Looking at little Lucas, I feel that any kind of suffering is worth it. Being a mother is a wonderful thing. I do not regret and enjoy it more and more everyday.
